Mindfulness: Practice or Buzzword?

Something that’s been buzzing in my head recently is Mindfulness.

When we are mindful, we can notice our thoughts without being overwhelmed by them, feel more calm and relaxed (even in stressful situations), and enjoy the moments we’re in.

This… has not been me recently.

Yet I find myself pausing throughout the day, and listening as if hearing a voice from my higher self gently reminding me - “It’s a practice.”

I find that when life gets chaotic, my mindfulness practice has a tendency to *poof* disappear.

Suddenly I feel spread thin and rushed by real or imaginary deadlines that I give myself.

In fact, it’s precisely in those moments when emails need to be responded to, events need to be planned, children need to be fed, and that I haven’t yet changed out of my pajamas that I need my mindfulness practice the most.

In the Recovery community there’s an expression, “it works if you work it.” With gratitude, I see this phrase fit for the practice of mindfulness as well. 

Oftentimes folks come into therapy aware of the term and perhaps somewhat familiar with the concept. However, even with a vague understanding of what mindfulness means, I find that not too many enter into therapy familiar with the actual practice of it.

In other words…. how exactly do you work it?

Is mindfulness actually a practice? Or has it become a diluted buzzword?

Let me walk you through it. 

I like to compare mindfulness to learning to play an instrument or understand a new language. So often we forget that mindfulness is a SKILL. Just like you wouldn’t expect to pick up a clarinet for the very first time and play a beautiful, flowing melody… it doesn’t make sense to expect to be “fluent” at mindfulness right away. In fact, it might take many times of playing the clarinet and it sounding less than stellar to get to a point where you feel like your hard work is paying off.

Mindfulness can be like that.

But it’s not for nothing.

The more effort you put into cultivating the seed of mindfulness, the more fruitful your practice becomes.

As a result, your ability to be a more present, engaged, and calm person increases. You learn to savor the beauty in moments of your life where you might otherwise be too busy or absent-minded to notice. And you learn to be more effective in your life, in other words, doing more of what works!

Below are the nuts and bolts of mindfulness. The “What” and the “How” to create a foundation for being more mindful in your own life.

The What Skills

The “What” skills of mindfulness help us gather information. With this information, we can understand the situation and make planned decisions to be more effective in our lives. Two of the most important “What” skills include Observe & Describe.

Observe

When we observe, we simply notice, or pay attention. 

We can notice things externally, or outside of ourselves. We do so by using our five senses: sight, taste, touch, smell, & sound.

We also can notice things internally. Examples include thoughts, emotions, sensations, & urges

When we Observe, we pay attention to external and internal events without holding on to them, ie unattached. This means we notice information and then we let it gooo (yes, Elsa had it right. Can you tell I have a toddler?).

When we Observe, we consciously decide where our attention goes. This means we are making the decision to pay attention and not get caught up in one thought, emotion or experience. We can learn to let our thoughts come and go, like clouds in the sky or waves in the ocean.

Describe

Describe is the next “What” skill of mindfulness. This means putting words to what we are observing. Doing this can help us make sense of what we’re observing, and help us to communicate it to others effectively.

When we describe, we want to learn to label things accurately by calling them by their true name. Call a thought a thought, a feeling a feeling, an opinion an opinion and so on.

For example, let’s say I missed saying happy birthday to my friend. I might think to myself “I’m such a bad friend.” If we were to *observe* this thought then describe it accurately (rather than simply believing it’s true that I am indeed a bad friend) it might sound like - “I’m having the thought that I am a bad friend.”

If we were to go a step further, we could say that as a result of this thought, I am feeling guilty. I am noticing the sensation of a sinking feeling in my chest.

We also want to separate facts vs. opinions and describe them as such. “It’s an opinion that I am a bad friend” is more accurate than believing it to be a fact.

Then there’s the equally important “How” skills. 

Two of the most important “how” skills, in my opinion, are nonjudgmental stance and one-mindfully.

Being Non-Judgmental means focusing on the facts, in other words, things that can be proven. It’s the who/what/when/where of a situation. When we’re nonjudgmental we avoid judgments and opinions and simply focus on what can be proven.

Part of being nonjudgmental involves seeing things as they are, and avoiding getting hung up on our opinions about things (remember the non-attachment we talked about earlier? It comes back into play here with letting go of our opinions, especially if they aren’t serving us).

Do remember that you are human and as such, judgments can be hard to avoid. The reality is judgments are a normal part of thinking and communicating, so when you find yourself using judgments, try not to judge yourself for it, ok?? Let the judgment rollll on by, like a train cart off into the horizon.

One-Mindfully.

This is the last “How” mindfulness skill we’ll discuss! One-mindfully means focusing on one thing at a time.

If you’re like me you might be thinking “hmmm… impossible.” But hey, doesn’t hurt to try! (It’s a practice, right?!)

Why do we do it one-mindfully? Because one-mindfully can help us reduce anxiety and stress, get the most out of the most cherished moments and positive events, accomplish tasks and do a better job at them, anddd show others that we are genuinely interested in them!

To be One-Mindful, make a decision to focus your attention and block out distractions.

Here are four steps that can help you be One-Mindful:

1. Focus on one thing at a time.

2. Notice when you get distracted or your mind wanders.

3. Re-focus on one thing at a time.

4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 as often as needed.

Keep in mind that, at the risk of being obnoxious- it’s a practiceeee. These steps are easy to understand but can be difficult to do! One thing that can help you with One-Mindfully is being aware of what tends distracts you. If you know what distracts you, you will be more likely to notice it when you are trying to be One-Mindful. (Examples: phone, music, worrying, other people around you, etc).

“It works if you work it!”

Mindfulness can be life changing. AND it’s something that requires tending to. Planting the seeds of mindfulness today might not change your world by the time you wake up. However, if you keep at it, you will reap what you sow! Long lasting and meaningful change don’t generally happen overnight. It’s all about practicing these small steps, consistently, that will help move you in a direction of a more present, balanced, and meaningful life!

There’s 2 more spots in DBT for Teens where we dive even deeper into mindfulness, along with other skills that will improve your teens emotional wellbeing and relationships with self and others! I am so thrilled to be partnering with the Lauren Dunne Astley Memorial Fund to offer this 13 week Skills Group at a discounted rate!

Stay tuned, guys! There’s even more exciting things ahead! :)

Til next time!

xO Amy Williams